So there's been a lot of news from Ukraine. Many Americans still don't know exactly where it is, but there is bad news from there. The Russians are invading it, they are helping some separatists, and many ordinary, civilian people are dying. That's what the news says.
Why don't Americans care more about this? Is it because Ukrainians get kind of a bad rap in American popular culture? There are some WWII movies that deal with the holocaust that portray them like apprentice Nazis. That must be it.
But if that's the sort of yardstick we're using, then all Americans are Lt. Calley and Abu Gharib guards. Which is decidedly not true. But let's go that way.
If all Americans were like that, we'd want to beat on less powerful neighboring countries, like hard, because we have no regard for suffering, so they would be totally under our control. "You do that already", some might say, "you did that." Do/did we really? Yes, there were some bad things. But not super-mean! No, not like "no regard for life" mean!
What I'm thinking is, we would send people into, say, Mexico. They would be Hispanic Americans, and pretend to be Mexicans, and starting shooting things up. They would take over towns, and murder people. They would kill the police, and take up their offices, and then start making lists of people and torturing them. Some of the Mexicans would see this and say, "we need to support these guys or they will kill us" so it looks even more like the people we sent are all Mexicans. Plus they'd make friends with other drug lords, so it would seem legit. Like they belonged there!
They'd be like super nasty mean killer drug lords, but they'd be *our* drug lords! And we would send reporters to interview them on TV, to thank them for doing such a good job and show us pictures of dead bodies.
The rest of the world would be like "oh no! Super mean drug lords in Mexico!" And we'd be like "Yeah, what a shame. If only we could do something!"
Our President (who is, like, the super duper ultra nasty bad ass) would say "this is terrible, we must help the victims of these horrible people" when all along we'd know that *he was the one who sent them*! It would be hysterical!!
Then the Mexican people, their government, would be like "Please, stop sending these awful people, you have given then weapons and they are killing us. We will need to send our Mexican army to defend us."
That would have us just in *stitches*, because there is no way! But we let the Mexican army attack. Then, we have our drug lords, who we call "separatists", start making it look like the Mexican army is killing their own people with artillery! That would make the people in the towns our drug lords run really mad, and really start liking our drug lords more and more.
Our president would say "these separatists are dissatisfied with their government, that's why this is happening! We must help them!"
We'd be ROFL by then, because our bad ass President would start sending tanks, and missiles to the drug lords. But, on the down low. Just because he can, because he wants Mexico to do what he says, and he knows best. We'd be such bad asses!
Also, get this, we'd let the Mexican army win for a while, and then send in our troops, a bit at a time, over months, to support the separtists. They would have all the badass weapons that the Mexicans don't, and they wouldn't have to care who they'd kill with them.
Other countries, like Canada and Spain would say "wait a second, you are sending them weapons and troops!"
And our badass president would say "no! That's simply not true!" They would grumble and start looking more closely. But we wouldn't care because we're such bad asses, we are so scary!!
Then one day, a French airplane would fly over our part of Mexico and our troops would shoot it down!! With one of our bad ass missiles!! YEAH. Just for grins. "Serves them right, we're having a war here" our guys would say, and shoot anybody around the crashed plane, and not allow the French people into our part of Mexico to get the bodies. We'd be sooooo tough!
Oh wait, did I mention: WE STOLE BAJA CALIFORNIA! Yeah, that happened before a lot of this. We sent soldiers in green uniforms, no insignia, they took it over. They were like whoa, and we were like "don't even try it!". Also, we made any Indians who lived there leave. Why? Because it's CALIFORNIA, so it's part of America!! And our super bad ass president would visit there and make a speech how it was our right and how we are bad ass. Super Bad Ass!
Because all of our troops and separatists would be Lt. Calleys and just killing whoever whenever. The generals, they'd plan which civilian areas to bombard, and "boom" they'd get it. Because they are professionals, real brave soldiers and glorious. They'd sneak up to a city that wasn't even doing anything, but *boom* rockets rockets rockets they'd kill the kids, blow then up right in the school! Ha ha ha, it would be so bad ass.
We'd be just like Russia in Ukraine!
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